Momo

haven't touched this xanga for a long long time ^^"
nothing much has changed apart from the fact that im having exams right now...
well, hopefully tomorrow would be lots of fun with alin =] 

RICE 2007 is coming up! hm, last year was awesome. i wonder what this year would be like ^^

Happy Valentines ^^

wakakakakaka... *evil grins* this is Sam'z daughter Alin XDXD pukakakaka... i noe my dad loves me lyk so much XDXD wakakakaka....nd my mum is.... XDXD *shifty eyes* lalalalalala... i'm so bored so i'm on dad'z xanga...... trying to put on X-rated pics so that he gets banned from Xanga XDXD puakakakaka...
HI DAD XDXD

Even though we've only been officially together for 3 weeks, we've been like a couple for 7 months.
Did everything that couples did ^^ felt the way that couples would. I loved you and I think you did as well.
But distance grew inbetween us, misunderstandings entered and played a major role in destroying the happy relationship we had. I just want you to know, yes..you've hurt me deeply...but i know it wasn't intentional. Friends are important, and i admire the way you treat your friends, at the same time i envy them. Simply because they're treated better than i am. I don't regret the past 7 months of being with you. The happy moments that only belongs to the two of us, moments that still brings a smile to my face when i think about it.

Although i do regret one thing, that is, I didn't grab on to all the opportunities i had with you, i let too many slip away. It's my fault you that you grew closer and closer to peter and songue. I was the childish one that thought maybe if i ignored you for a while, you would realize the importance of me. But everything turned out wrong, the timing was bad, everything went bad. Ive been trying to tell myself that im still with you because you'll soon grow up and realize your faults, and therefore im needed next to you. Ive now realized that ive been deceiving myself, it's actually me, that doesn't want to let you go, simply because you're that important to me.

I know that you enjoy being popular amongst guys, and therefore didn't tell peter nor songue or anyone else that you were dating me. I know....or at least i want to believe that your feelings were only for me. But you need to know, it's very difficult in my position, where i can't go anywhere or see you everyday, to hear about you being with other guys. I really want to trust you, but i need more time....that's something which you can't provide. When i said i wanted to be with you forever, i meant it. I really did. Im still willilng to wait for you until we both enter University, but the way you are right now you're on the border line of entering one. We all know that if you tried you can enter vet easily.

I don't know why i still have hope in you. Although i know that i won't be the one that would motivate you to change. Maybe it's because i met the good side of you before i met the bad. The side that always laughed and thought like a kid, who wanted to do good but has been marked with a bad reputation. I really loved that side of you. That's the side of you that i fell in love with. Maybe that's why i still believe you can change, you can start anew.

There's a huge gap of difference when comparing the first msn convo we had to now. Things are falling apart, and i think you've realized it also. I never believed it when they said you can tell how someone is feeling from their eyes, but after seeing yours, i do. The first few days with you at chatswood, i saw you smiling with the looks in your eyes, telling me that you were happy with me. I no longer can see those feelings in your eyes.
I know that this is just a break up and that all this crap isn't needed. But i wanted to explain, and tell you why i chose to break up. I want you to know, you're not a bad girlfriend, it's simply me that gets jealous too easily. So don't think that you were destined to screw up this relationship like the past ones you've had.
Because that's how you felt when you were with me, and that was the reason we failed. You simply thought that it was going to fail, so you might as well not change. I wish things can return to the beginning when you first turned around in tutoring class to teach me how to use the button on the calculator. But that's also a reason why we failed. Because I simply just wished things were like in the start (like the day at macquarie) that i was blinded from the problems we were facing at the present.

It's 2 in the morning, and ill still typnig this. Haven't slept for two days simply because ive been thinking about what to do about us. About you....and about me....not as a couple...rather as each individual. Individual faults in our personality that has contributed in ending our relationship. Ive never seen anyone so similar in personality to me until i met you. We share the common interest, taste for food, and ways of thinking...to a certain extent. I say "to a certain extent" because there's obviously a clash of ideals when it comes to opinions concerning "what to do" and "what to not do" in a relationship. I simply expected too much commitment from you, because of what i saw in my friend's relationship. Ive always wanted to brag about you and pull you into a convo with my friends. But i can't, because there's nothing to compare. Sorry, if that hurt your feelings, but having to say this out...hurts much more. In the past ive only told you about my feelings when i thought you needed to change for your sake. But im being a bit selfish right now simply to complain about everything that i wanted you to change.

You wanted to hear how i feel. Even though I know it's a little too late now, but this is how i felt and still feel. I really didn't want things to end this way, you were someone really special that can't be replaced. But you felt differently, and its a shame to hear that. I wish you the best, im sorry i couldnt be the one to change you. I know you want to change too, im sorry to give up so easily, but it's hurting too much.

 today was one of the best days i've had since i went to the RICE event ^^
even though i didn't sleep at all last night (thanks to ben + jono + game cube + super smash brothers + need for speed  underground), and im at the edge of breaking down (physically), im mentally still hyped up.  Thanks to suz and macquarie centre (iceskating court + movie theatre), and especially Yin ^^

kk..Starting from last night

Last night was awesome xD well...i wasn't suppose to be at ben's house in the first place... i was suppose to be at imax theatre with my sister and her friend's company. = = my sister only had one ticket..and thought that i would be able to buy mine at the door. When we got there, we realized that it had a "private function" sign hanging at the door, and only those who were provided with the special tickets from the company were allowed to enter = =". 
So I called up Ben to see if i can stay at his house until the function thing was finished (which was around 8:30), surprisingly..he agreed, probably because his mom isn't at home so it didn't make any difference with an extra person in the house. 

When i arrived i realized there was another person present, it was Jono. Which isn't shocking or anything, since he just lived close by to ben's house...but i would have at least thought i would be invited T^T because apparently they were studying in the library from 8 until noon and played table tennis and snooker until 6 pm >< Well, Rachel (ben's sister) was also there too watching disney channel while eating baked fish fingers. I couldn't resist my grumbling stomach, so i stole one off her plate and ate it >///< Jono decided to cook a hot pot so all of us could eat a simple dinner that wouldn't result in a 3 hour clean up. Jono's dinner, as like the rest of the breakfasts and lunches he made, was pretty tasty ^^ we ate while watching a movie *has forgotten the name*.
I sneaked out of the room and went to use ben's computer. The plans for the coming day for me was to wake up at 6 and catch a bus at 7 to Chatswood to meet up with Suz and Yin. Unfortunately, the idea of having to wake up at 6 was devastating and annoying, considering that i would have to sleep at 11 when i get home just to have enough sleep. Then all of a sudden while i was rethinking about the plans for tomorrow back in the Tv room, i get tackled from behind by Ben, he offered for me to stay for the night since he went and READ the CONVOS i had, and thought that it would be more convenient if i stayed. At that time...i foolishly thought it was a magneficent + flawless plan, since Ben's house being in the city, 20 min was enough for me to arrive in chatswood. This all meant that i could sleep at 11 and wake up at 6:30 xP

Everything seemed to go as planned; we had dessert - strawberry milkshake and icecream xD. All went well, until ... until we brought the GameCube out = ="  After tucking Rachel in bed (even though she's only 2 years younger, she's so adorable ) we took the GameCube into the livingroom and starting playing. We started off playing Need For Speed Underground, but soon gave up on that game when none of us could win against the computer = =". As I check the time; I still recall clearly it was 12am, i decided that I needed some sleep. The plan was .... Ben can sleep on the huge couch, Jono can  sleep on the medium couch, and I can sleep on the mat with the sleeping bag...on the ground (great friends arent they?).  But Ben and Jono wanted to play a bit longer on the GameCube, so I went and stole the huge couch that Ben was suppose to sleep in . Ok, the events that happens that night would be much more effective if it was listed accordingly to the time that it happened ( effective as in there would be more sympathy after acknowlegding what i had to put up with.)

12:30am - Ive jumped on the couch and is preparing to sleep. Jono and Ben have began playing Super Smash Bro on the GameCube, everything was going great.

12:45am - Jono and Ben are beginning to get a little to attached to the game...and the noises produced is beginning to be unbearable. ie. "oh my god! i hate you, you killed me...nono...that's not fair...*laughs*" (quote - Ben) ... "whatever, just because you suck, not my fault" (quote - jono)

1am - Im still rolling around on the couch....is beginning to get a big irritated by them.

1:05am - Could no longer stand the sound, so i told them to keep in voice down just incase they wake up Rachel. It worked.....(amazing how guys are always so considerate about girls rather than their best friends)

1:30am - Yes...they lowered their voices, it worked...but only lasted for 25 min, and once again they got themselves emotionally attached to the game.

2am - Ben discovers that he find its more amusing to tickle my feet than playing the GameCube. Thus...Jono joined in and began irritating me.

2:10am - no longer can stand it, I declared a death match against Ben....on Gamecube....The rules were simple, if i win i get to sleep in peace...if they win...they can continue making my night living hell.

2:30am - I won against Ben with my unbeatable character Pikachu against his retarded looking princess Zelda. However, the cost was great...and I myself got attached to the game as well.

3:30am - Realizes that ive just completely wasted half of my night's good sleep, so i jump back onto the couch and trying once again to fall asleep through the battle of Dr.Mario and Mewtwo.

4:00am - *fails to fall asleep* and has decided to listen to music instead. Just then I came up with a magneficent idea that would stop them from playing the game, that was ... to tell them horror stories. After turning their GameCube off and getting shouted at by Ben and Jono, they finally decided to hear what i had to tell them.

4:20am - After telling them a few scary things that once freaked me out when i was 10, i could see that things were going just as planned. Jono, however, like i expected didn't fall for the stupid horror things i said...but joined in as well after seeing Ben's reaction. We told Ben that the youngest person is usually the first to get killed (he's the youngest amongst us), and since he was the closest to the huge tv there was no doubt he would be the first to be dragged in.
Things then backfired .... Ben got too scared to sleep by himself on a seperate couch...so he jumped into mine and wouldn't let go = =" started saying "i hate you...you know that im living with just my sister now, and you just had to scare me...oh my god...i hate you". (yes, that's ben...a 15 year old guy...and no...none of us is gay)

4:30am- *is still on the couch being held by Ben*...and Jono sitting there laughing his ass out went and sleep on the side of the couch.

4:35am- (!@_!*@_%*!@&% Ben falls asleep on me = =" I tried waking him up...but he ignored me = =....

4:45am- i finally gave up and tried to go to sleep as well.

4:???am- i finally fall asleep

6:30am- I wake up to get ready to go to chatswood....feeling completely dead from only getting 2 hour sleep. I threw Ben off the couch...after i got off ... he crawls back on it and continues to sleep. As for Jono...hm...he was again playing on the Game Cube...= ="

My Day At Macquarie
I got to chatswood around 8. Yin and Suz were already waiting at the Bus stop telling me to hurry up. The bus we caught was already crowded...so i didn't manage to get a seat...im still amazed at how i managed to stand up for that long. A few stops before we reached Macquarie some seats were finally vaccant. Yin and Suz sat in the opposite direction while i sat next to this lady. For some reason within a whispering distance, Yin thought that sending sms would be better way to talk to me  so thus began our sms conversation through the next few stops to Macquarie ^^". Btw, Suz~ Nice bright Pink socks~ it goes well with your black shoes...hahaha  
When we got to Macquarie, it was almost empty...hardly any one were there that early in the morning. We headed straight to the Iceskating court ^^

lol..i can't be bothered to type what happened for the rest of the day ^^
Huh!...what? who said that ill get shy!?!?! Yin and I... just held hands while skating...and suz just ... continued being stupid as usual while taking photos >///< lol...yeah..that's sums up what happened at iceskating. If only the feeling i felt at that time could be as easily said, i would love to share it, but unfortunately the feeling was far too complicated to be explained, a feeling combined with excitement and happiness  

The movie we watched was Step Up...i think it was pretty good, not because i can't make up my mind whether it was good or not, or because i don't want to offend those would though it sucked....but practically because i was facing the wrong direction throughout the movie; my focus was on Yin   and therefore i don't recall what the movie was about  I slept on her arm throughout the first half of the movie then found myself constantly staring at her smile >///< (she always seems to be smiling that cute smile ^^)

After the movie we went around the shopping mall looking at random things until it was time to go home ^^ I caught the train with yin after we got back to Chatswood, and said bye, Suz stayed in Chatswood for some reason. Well..that's about all that happened in those two wonderful days xD